you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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