I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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