It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she told me i tasted like america
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
