i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
