I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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