My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
