You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
