just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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