everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
