420 ftw
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
