I must be too annoying 4 u.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
