I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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