she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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