the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
