listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
