is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
