If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
