Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
