and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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