The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
