I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
