what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
