So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
