and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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