He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
