I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
