your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
