She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this boner is exhausting
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize