Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
