bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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