They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
