Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
