Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
