WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
