I want to make a zoo with you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
where does the pee come out of this thing
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
