All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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