very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
