i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
