You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
