I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
