I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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