Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
