What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize