I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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