i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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