grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
God, I missed his penis.
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