I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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