I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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