That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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