Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
