Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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