we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
