A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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