i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
