Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
