My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
