I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
