forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
