dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i think i just lost a toe
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