Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
