I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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