My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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