remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
