handjob tips. give me some.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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