OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
