Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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