Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
