we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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