You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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