My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
