The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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