ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
