im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
