we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
